So I've discovered that I'm excruciatingly shy. See, most people think that I'm really bold and outgoing. But I'm pretty sure that it's all bravado. Yes, I like to talk, and I like to make it seem like I've got it all together. But there's this part of me that can't seem to come out of the shadow. For whatever reason, I can't seem to get this boy out of my head. He hasn't even done anything all that special, except maybe that night I got blitzed and he stopped me from doing something I'd have regretted. But he's listened to me and he's been there for me when I needed someone and he's one of the few people I can really trust, but do you think I can say that to him? Oh no. Instead of that, I play this game, and hope that he figures it out, knowing FULL WELL that he's a boy and will NEVER realize. And then I'm left in the dark as to what's going on. I know that I'm a mess, and I know that I'm superbly leery of getting involved with anyone again after the hell I went through, but at the same time, if I don't try, I'll never know. And I know all this, but that doesn't mean I'll ever actually DO anything about it. Inge told me that it's natural to be shy after what happened, but I don't like it. I like to take charge, and I like to be in control. And then this guy makes me all weak in the knees, and the like. And I don't know what to do about it. So I've entrusted Inge with doing my detective work for me, because even though I'd like to think that I've got it all under wraps, I think I'd be crushed if he was like "um, you're gross, get away from me." (Or some incarnation of that rejection statement).

Maybe I think too much. But I haven't let a guy get to me like this since high school, and that MUST mean something....